After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:"My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager: How many hours make up a day?
Man: 24 Hours.
Manager: How long do u work in a day?
Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.
Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Man: He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).
Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Man: 122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)
Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?
Man: No sir.
Manager: How many days r there in a year that r weekends?
Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?
Man: 18 days.
Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Man: 4 days.
Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on Independence Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: 2 days Sir!
Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: 1 day sir!
Manager: Do u work on Christmas Day?
Man: No Sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man: None Sir!
Manager: So what r u claiming?
Man: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR - HIGH RISK.
~~~
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Profile of a Software Engineer (ORKUT) !!
About me: I think I am changing the world, but I am not. I think I am contributing to the Indian economy, but I guess I am not. I think I love my work, but I do not. I think I hate all people who made me earn my engineering degree, and I do. I think I am living, but and most importantly, I am LOOKING for someone!! Ok...I won't be funny anymore. I am a cool guy with a zeal to enjoy life (If you know me--> "Just stop laughing!!")
Relationship status: what
Birthday :The day my PL is about to fire me
Age : 10111
Here for : web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets : Yeah, my PL looks like a dog.
Living : Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page
Webpage : http://naukri.com , http://jobsahead.com - Isnt it Ultimate???
Passions : searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities : Are you crazy?
Books : "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.
Music : Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing
Tv shows : can't afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of Home.
~~~
~~~
Relationship status: what
Birthday :The day my PL is about to fire me
Age : 10111
Here for : web browsing in company hours.
Children : can't be (hey, don't get me wrong here!!)
Ethnicity : Programmer.
Languages I speak : Java, C/C++, 010101110101
Religion: I get holidays on all religious festivals, so I love all religions.
Political view : the guy sitting beside me is a pig!!
Humor : weekly.
Fashion: Ask my company HR. Btw, I like jeans, t-shirt and a cross-bag
Smoking: The second greatest pleasure on the earth.
Drinking : The first is this.
Pets : Yeah, my PL looks like a dog.
Living : Cummon, this is a stupid one. How can this be asked to a software engineer? Believe me, I am living!!
Hometown : My company (Oh God! Please bring my appraiser to this page
Webpage : http://naukri.com , http://jobsahead.com - Isnt it Ultimate???
Passions : searching for the cheapest pub around, cursing my company, looking for other company, remembering my good old college days, worrying about my future
Sports: quake, CS (Counter Strike), computer chess.
Activities : Are you crazy?
Books : "How to lose weight in 20 days?", "How to live a happy life?", "101 ways to attract a girl", "Java Unleashed", "C++ at your footsteps", Others censored.
Music : Metallica, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, ACDC, and anything depressing
Tv shows : can't afford one.
Cuisines : Bread Butter, Maggi, anything available within 200 meteres of Home.
~~~
~~~
what is LOVE? what is MARRIAGE?
A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back. But the rule is: - you can go through them only once & cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him. Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for better ones, but when later you realise, you have already missed the person...."*
"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium sized corn that he felt satisfied, and came back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."
~~~
Newton in Romantic Mood...
Universal Law oOf Love:
" Love Can Neither Be Created Nor Be Destroyed; Only It Can Transfer From One Girlfriend To Another Girlfriend With Some Loss Of Money "
First Law of Love:
"A Boy In Love With A Girl, Continue To Be In Love With Her And A Girl In Love With A Boy, Continue To Be In Love With Him, Until Or Unless Any External Agent(Brother Or Father Of The Gal) Comes Into Play And Break The Legs Of The Boy. "
Second Law of Love:
"The Rate Of Change Of Intensity Of Love Of A Girl Towards A Boy Is Directly Proportional To The Instantaneous Bank Balance Of The Boy And The Direction Of This Love Is Same To As Increment Or Decrement Of The Bank Balance. "
Third Law of Love:
" The Force Applied While Proposing A Girl By A Boy Is Equal And Opposite To The Force Applied By The Girl While Slapping."
~~~
Who works for India ?
The population of India is 100 crores.
100,000,00,000
But 19 crores are retired -19,000,00,000
That leaves 81 crores do the work 81,000,00,000
There are 25 crores in school - 25,000,00,000
which leaves 56 crores to do the work- 56,000,00,000
Of this there are 22 crores employed by the Central Govt -22,000,00,000 ( No Use )
leaving 34 crores to do the work 34,000,00,000
4 crores are in the Armed Forces -4,000,00,000 (Salute them)
which leaves 30 crores to do the work -30,000,00,0 00
Take away from above total the 20 crores people work for State Governments
(State Government employees officially do not work!)
-20,000,00,000
and that leaves 10 crores to do the work 10,000,00,000
Total unemployed are 8 crores -8,000,00,000
and that leaves 2 crores to do the work -2,000,00,000
At any given time there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals -1,200,00,000
leaving 80 lakhs to do the work 80,00,000
Now, according to Indian Statistical Institute, there are -79,99,998
people are in prisons throughout the country -79,99,998
That leaves just 2 people to do the work.......
2
You and me!!!
And currently YOU are sitting at your computer reading my BLOG .
So I am the only person in our country who is working! And that's why India
is surviving!!!
Now, please log out and do your job because, for a change, I
want to rest. And I don't want India to suffer because of that.
~~~
Waiting for a Perfect Man
Gentlemen - U can have a good laugh at it.
~~~
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
CV and Resume
Question: Curriculum Vitae vs. Resume?
What is the difference between a curriculum vitae (CV) and a resume?
Answer: The primary differences between a resume and a curriculum vitae (CV) are the length, what is included and what each is used for. A resume is a one or two page summary of your skills, experience and education. While a resume is brief and concise - no more than a page or two, a Curriculum Vitae is a longer (at least two page) and more detailed synopsis.
A Curriculum Vitae includes a summary of your educational and academic backgrounds as well as teaching and research experience, publications, presentations, awards, honors, affiliations and other details. In Europe, the Middle East, Africa, or Asia, employers may expect to receive a curriculum vitae.
In the United States, a curriculum vitae is used primarily when applying for academic, education, scientific or research positions. It is also applicable when applying for fellowships or grants.
How Does Resume Differ From Curriculum Vitae
Curriculum Vitae and Resumes are both used in job applications. They have the same intent which is to state the facts about the applicant's education, work experience, skills and accomplishments. The main difference between the two is the way these facts were presented.
The resume is the brief summary of the individual's work history, educational attainment and relevant skills and accomplishment to the job being applied. An individual can create several resume for different positions or different companies.
The Curriculum Vitae on the other hand bear all the information of an individual. Every detail of education, employment, achievements and skills are listed with the addition of the organizations or affiliations, licenses and commendations. All previous work experiences must be properly listed with elaborated job descriptions. It allows the individuals to elaborate the oldest achievement or the earliest award they received in the past. All trainings and seminars attended are likewise listed in the Curriculum Vitae. Thus, Curriculum Vitae are actually longer than Resume
Resume by standard should be concise and relevant to the position being applied. It should be tailored to fit the requirement of the prospective company or employer. No unnecessary achievements or skills must be mention because it would rather gain an impression of audacity. Personal details in Resume are likewise limited to residence address, contact details, date of birth, civil status and nationality.
The Curriculum Vitae on the contrary depict substantial details on the personal life of an individual. It contains even the voluntary work and social affiliations of the applicant. It is this reason that Curriculum Vitae are usually used when applying in academic, medical, scientific and overseas jobs because employers in these industries prefer to know each applicant thoroughly.
What is the difference between a curriculum vitae (CV) and a resume?
Answer: The primary differences between a resume and a curriculum vitae (CV) are the length, what is included and what each is used for. A resume is a one or two page summary of your skills, experience and education. While a resume is brief and concise - no more than a page or two, a Curriculum Vitae is a longer (at least two page) and more detailed synopsis.
A Curriculum Vitae includes a summary of your educational and academic backgrounds as well as teaching and research experience, publications, presentations, awards, honors, affiliations and other details. In Europe, the Middle East, Africa, or Asia, employers may expect to receive a curriculum vitae.
In the United States, a curriculum vitae is used primarily when applying for academic, education, scientific or research positions. It is also applicable when applying for fellowships or grants.
How Does Resume Differ From Curriculum Vitae
Curriculum Vitae and Resumes are both used in job applications. They have the same intent which is to state the facts about the applicant's education, work experience, skills and accomplishments. The main difference between the two is the way these facts were presented.
The resume is the brief summary of the individual's work history, educational attainment and relevant skills and accomplishment to the job being applied. An individual can create several resume for different positions or different companies.
The Curriculum Vitae on the other hand bear all the information of an individual. Every detail of education, employment, achievements and skills are listed with the addition of the organizations or affiliations, licenses and commendations. All previous work experiences must be properly listed with elaborated job descriptions. It allows the individuals to elaborate the oldest achievement or the earliest award they received in the past. All trainings and seminars attended are likewise listed in the Curriculum Vitae. Thus, Curriculum Vitae are actually longer than Resume
Resume by standard should be concise and relevant to the position being applied. It should be tailored to fit the requirement of the prospective company or employer. No unnecessary achievements or skills must be mention because it would rather gain an impression of audacity. Personal details in Resume are likewise limited to residence address, contact details, date of birth, civil status and nationality.
The Curriculum Vitae on the contrary depict substantial details on the personal life of an individual. It contains even the voluntary work and social affiliations of the applicant. It is this reason that Curriculum Vitae are usually used when applying in academic, medical, scientific and overseas jobs because employers in these industries prefer to know each applicant thoroughly.
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